Lonely Hearts Club

February 3, 2007

 I did so well. Thirty days without a cigarette. I didn’t even really try to quit, I just quit. Then last Saturday came and went with news of my ex-husband’s pregnant wife. That sent me straight to the convenience store on the corner. I recovered in record time and within days I was once again smoke free. Then yesterday happened and I am smoking at full lung capacity. See, a man I was terribly smitten with inadvertently posted a very private video on the web and I watched it. I watched in horror as he poured out his heart to the woman in his life, then I e-mailed him to tell him how happy I was for him. Within minutes the video was gone, (not supposed to be public, you see) and gone with it were all my happy little day dreams of him. Talk about reality check. And now I am left feeling bad, like I’ve done something wrong. I read someone’s diary and I feel dirty for knowing too much.

What is a girl to do now that her ex-husband is having a baby and her dream guy is in love with someone else?

Today, I smoked. Today, I shopped till I dropped. Today, I bought make-up and high heels. I don’t wear either.

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5 Responses to “Lonely Hearts Club”

  1. Jessica "Godo" said

    Jama!
    You are making me so upset!! :*( I am so sorry that all these things are happening to you right now and you are feeling the way you do! I wish I could give you a BIG HUG and MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER for you!! Maybe you need a vacation to Denver, where you can visit everyone who makes you smile! I always have an extra bedroom with your name on it. I love you so much!! If you need anything, you can always ask me! 🙂
    Hope you feel better soon. Always, Jessie Poo

  2. I love you too, Punkin.

  3. Sherri said

    Life is weird. Glad we can share this crazy ride together.

  4. I can’t imagine sharing it with anyone but my friends. Love to you all. See you soon in Big D!!

  5. Matt said

    Thank you for the response! I’ve included a pre-drafted statement that should give you some basic info about the project. Let me know if you have any questions after you have read that and also gotten a chance to check out the website (www.wefeelfine.org). Thanks!

    -Matt

    Hi, I’m contacting you today because I’m working with Sep Kamvar and Jonathan Harris on a book about feelings on the web. We found an image on your blog that we found beautiful, and we wanted to get your permission to use it in the book. The book is based on the website We Feel Fine (http://www.wefeelfine.org). In return, we will give you a free copy of the book, signed by the authors, and an invitation to the book launch when the book comes out. A description of the site is below. I’d love to hear back from you and if you provide a mailing address, we can send you a permissions form.
    Since August 2005, We Feel Fine has been studying human feelings from a large number of weblogs. Every few minutes, the system searches the world’s newly posted blog entries for occurrences of the phrases “I feel” and “I am feeling”. When it finds such a phrase, it records the full sentence, up to the period, and identifies the “feeling” expressed in that sentence (e.g. sad, happy, depressed, etc.). The result is a database of several million human feelings, increasing by 15,000 – 20,000 new feelings per day.

    Using a series of playful interfaces, the feelings can be searched and sorted across a number of demographic slices, offering responses to specific questions like: do Europeans feel sad more often than Americans? Do women feel fat more often than men? Does rainy weather affect how we feel? What are the most representative feelings of female New Yorkers in their 20’s? What do people feel right now in Baghdad? What were people feeling on Valentine’s Day? Which are the happiest cities in the world? The saddest? And so on.

    At its core, We Feel Fine is an artwork authored by everyone. It will grow and change as we grow and change, reflecting what’s on our blogs, what’s in our hearts, what’s in our minds. We hope it makes the world seem a little smaller, and we hope it helps people see beauty in the everyday ups and downs of life.

    Thank you very much for your time,

    Sincerely,

    Matt
    mattvid07@gmail.com

    Privacy Notice:

    We Feel Fine only collects and displays data that was already posted publicly on the World Wide Web. We Feel Fine never associates individual human names with the feelings it displays, though it always provides a link to the blog from which any displayed sentence or picture was collected. Also, bloggers may make a blog post invisible to the We Feel Fine crawler by including the following code somewhere in the post: nofeelings. Finally, you may request for an image to be taken down from the site by e-mailing someone@wefeelfine.org.

    We Feel Fine is an independent project conceived and created by Jonathan Harris and Sepandar Kamvar. It bears no affiliation to any company or organization.

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