Lonely Hearts Club
February 3, 2007
I did so well. Thirty days without a cigarette. I didn’t even really try to quit, I just quit. Then last Saturday came and went with news of my ex-husband’s pregnant wife. That sent me straight to the convenience store on the corner. I recovered in record time and within days I was once again smoke free. Then yesterday happened and I am smoking at full lung capacity. See, a man I was terribly smitten with inadvertently posted a very private video on the web and I watched it. I watched in horror as he poured out his heart to the woman in his life, then I e-mailed him to tell him how happy I was for him. Within minutes the video was gone, (not supposed to be public, you see) and gone with it were all my happy little day dreams of him. Talk about reality check. And now I am left feeling bad, like I’ve done something wrong. I read someone’s diary and I feel dirty for knowing too much.
What is a girl to do now that her ex-husband is having a baby and her dream guy is in love with someone else?
Today, I smoked. Today, I shopped till I dropped. Today, I bought make-up and high heels. I don’t wear either.