I am going home to yahoo.  Find me HERE.

I woke up singing this song. I’ve haven’t heard it in years. When things like this happen, I try to pay attention.

and if you want more LRB I thought these were a great addition to the above song. I guess it’s Little River Band Sunday here at my house!

Don’t speak, dragon.

The surge of hot lung breath:

Hold in your mouth.

Stand still with

anticipation of fire

waiting to pounce

and singe all

who defy you.

Hold it in ribcage and

sternum cradle–

Your violent baby

Your festering opinion

Until it rises up and up

into reddened cheeks,

dark eyes

darting.

Until you find the victim

and let it all fly.

Then you fly

north to roost.

Something is up with me. Something is stirring. Not sure what really. I call my friends often and when I do the conversation ends up being dominated by my incessant whining about my life. Most recently, I was talking to my dearest Shaz and I said, You know, I’ve lived here for a year and a half and I have never really lived here. It was a profound moment for both of us.

I’ve been thinking that it’s time to move again. Time to start over again. Get a new job again. But, it has occured to me recently that this is a pattern. So, what shall I do? Continue the cycle or stop the cycle. Keep complaining or stop complaining and start living here. I’m not really sure.

I watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s today. If you want to sit for 10 minutes and watch the end, you will see why it left me in tears. I am such a pathetic sap.

As you may know, two or three readers, I’ve been taking belly dance classes. I love it so much I got this DVD so I could practice the rest of the week. I was going to practice this morning and as I turned on the tv I had a blast from the past. Veggie Tales. Right there on the television. I had to watch it as I hadn’t seen it in ages. Originally, it was for Christians. It used to be primarily Biblical stories acted out by vegetables. I know, totally silly. But, I loved it. Now, it seems it’s storylines center around sharing and forgiveness and standing up to bullies. Anyway, it was good to see it again and I found this snippit on youtube. Now, I must go and work on Medusa Arms, ha! It hurts!

What a crap hole day. I had such a good weekend, you know. I decided that I needed to get more connected with myself after the fair this weekend so I went to the library on Sundayfor some books on meditation. Read one book that came with a CD so I practiced the meditation, did some laundry, cleaned the house, finished another book I’d been reading. It was a great sunday. At the library I picked up this Pilates DVD and I was set to get up in the morning and do Pilates and meditate. Good way to start the day.

I should have known things were going to go downhill when, half way through the Pilates video I got up, sat on the couch and smoked a cigarette and watched the rest of the video. I felt bad after but rather than beat myself up I just kept saying, Rome wasn’t built in a day, Rome wasn’t built in a day. But if you think about it, had the slaves stopped working to have a smoke they would have been beaten to death. So, you know, that’s a pretty stupid thing to say.

Got to work and around 10 I remembered that I’d left something in my car. I park 4 blocks away from work so it’s a pain to go to the car anyway but half way there I was acosted by a clearly mentally disturbed homeless man. He followed me all the way to my car saying really nice things like “I don’t beat women, just so you know” and “boy you’re lookin’ real good” and “I’m going to follow you back to work so I know where to find you again” and he asked me what my first and last name was, how old I was, did I like his tennis shoes that he got at Wal-Mart? There was no one around by the way. Topeka is generally just buildings and parking lots, not many people out wandering around. Just me and Mr. Creepy. I drove back to the office, leaving my new friend in the dust.

I was pretty upset about the whole thing when I got back to my desk. I mean, this happens all the time. This place is filled to the brim with homeless crazy people. The story goes that when they closed Menningers they just opened the doors and proclaimed, “BE FREE CLINICALLY INSANE PEOPLE! THE CITY IS YOURS!” I think it’s dispicable, but today I realized that sometimes you have to choose personal safety over compassion.

My thoughts on this situation didn’t last for long as I was called into a meeting with my boss to explain why my call numbers were so low. I had no real explaination except the obvious truth. I don’t like my job. I don’t like calling people, I don’t like talking to doctors, I don’t like sitting on my ever expanding ass (the reason for the Pilates video, you see). And I told her so. She told me she didn’t like my henna tattoo.

I need some cheering up.

Had a great time yesterday at the Spirit, Mind and Body fair. There was so much to see. The day started with a drum circle with drums and flutes…

and very happy drummers like Gary

and of course belly dancing

After opening prayer I wandered around and found many interesting booths. You could check your brain waves

get some body therapy

 have your aura photographed and read

 look for jewelry

at the Dragon’s Shire

get some henna art

and have some of the worst organic food in the history of organic food.

Nellie is hilarous! She always makes me laugh.

This was all in sharp contrast to the Home Builder’s show that was taking place next door.

where you could buy one of these things if you so desired.

I got this e-mail today and thought it was pretty humorous.

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

I collect things. Little things that to me have meaning. Several months ago I found a paper thin wing of a Monarch butterfly. Not long after I found a heart shaped cat food kibble on the sidwalk at work. This weekend I found a tiny blue bird’s egg that was cracked and very fragile. I had a plan of putting all of these things as well as other items on an altar for meditation.

I came home yesterday and the egg had gone missing. Several hours later I found bits and pieces of the egg on the floor by the kitchen crushed to bits. Today at work I leaned over my desk to get something and realized later that the butterfly wing and the heart were gone. I guess I had pushed them over when I was reaching. I looked on the floor and tiny pieces of the butterfly wing were all over and the heart was just gone.

I believe in signs. I think this might be a bad sign.

 Nothing bad has happened yet, but this weekend is the Spirit, Mind and Body fair and I think I may have to pop in to see the psychic.